Parenting #

Hand in Hand Parenting’s brilliance lies in its simplicity. It gives overwhelmed parents easy-to-remember tools.¹

Setting Limits #

Setting limits is difficult because parents must enforce boundaries while staying emotionally connected to their child. Traditional discipline often creates adversarial dynamics that damage relationships and fail to address the emotions driving challenging behavior.

How does Hand in Hand address this challenge?

Here’s how it works:

Set the boundary: State the limit clearly and warmly: “I won’t let you hit your sister” or “It’s time to put on shoes now.” No lengthy explanations needed.

Hold the boundary: Stay firm and calm when your child tests or pushes back. This isn’t about being harsh—it’s about being a steady, reliable presence they can count on.

Child has big feelings: Expect the meltdown, tears, or anger. These emotional storms are normal and healthy responses when children bump up against limits they don’t like but need.

Hold space for big feelings: Don’t try to fix, distract, or rush through the emotions. Stay close, listen, and let them feel what they’re feeling without judgment or shame.

Co-regulate: Use your calm presence to help your child’s nervous system settle. Your steady breathing and gentle voice become their anchor during the emotional storm.

Hold boundary (again): After the emotional release, gently restate the original limit. Wait until they agree to abide by the limit. Your goal is for them to willingly cooperate.

Child remembers boundary: For a while, your child follows this particular rule easily. They’ve internalized it through the complete emotional process.

Child forgets boundary: Life happens, they get tired or overwhelmed, and the same limit gets tested again. This isn’t defiance—it’s how children’s developing brains work.

Repeat: The cycle begins again, each time strengthening your child’s ability to handle boundaries and big emotions with your loving support.

Hand in Hand’s genius lies in reframing limit-setting from a battle of wills to an opportunity for emotional connection and healing. By staying present during difficult moments rather than sending children away to “think about what they’ve done,” parents help children develop emotional regulation skills while maintaining the safety of clear boundaries.

The simplicity makes it sustainable for busy parents, while the focus on connection ensures that family relationships strengthen rather than strain under the pressure of daily discipline challenges.

Notes #